Another Year, Another List of Things I Probably Won't Do

This year, as I embark upon the close of my 40th year on this planet, I resolve to do the following:

- Lose weight. Yes, let's just get this one out of the way right away. You know you're waiting to see it. Given that this starts the list, I could have also titled this, "I resolve to fail at the following:"

- Figure out who texted me Happy New Year at 12:07 on January 1. Yipee! I might have a stalker! I'm so excited...I've never had a stalker before! I didn't recognize the number. And how does one politely say, "Thank you, but who the hell are you?" Not being one for polite, I asked just that way. And got no response. My stalker is coy. I like that.

- Hang out more with big people like this:

and these little people:

and the hundreds of other people I know who make me happy.

- Create more days with no compelling reason to put on a bra.

- Finally finish the wall hanging that I've been meaning to paint for two years now. I don't paint well. But I'll paint it anyway and call it "abstract"

- Figure out what happened to Ione Skye

- Write, write, write.

- Find this:

(I lost it somewhere between 20 and 30.)

- Plant a garden. A real one this time. Not just a tomato plant out on the deck that I let tomatoes rot on. A real one.

- Read a book a week. At the very least, a chapter a week. Sometimes reading makes me sleepy.

- Learn all the words to The Victors. Not just the ones everyone else sings, but all of them. There are actually words to the marchy parts when the band is high stepping it up and down the field. Who knew?

- Avoid these:

(just for clarification, I plan to avoid both regrets AND stormtroopers)

- Engage in 80's movie sleepovers with my girl cousins. And anyone else who wants to come along.

- Have a kickin'-ass,trip-of-a-lifetime-time on my Adriatic cruise

- Stop falling in lust with boys who won't return the favor.

- Figure out how to make my kitchen bigger. And less green-y on the countertop.

- Watch more Michigan victories.

- Actually read the library books I pay overdue fines on.

- Use the craft room I'm going to put in the basement. Perhaps even use it for crafts.

- Learn to knit, then annoy everyone I know by giving them 8-foot long multicolored scarves for Christmas.

- Babysit. Lots. Soak up babies, kids, toddlers, and small people when I can.

- Sleep more. Try and figure out how to be an 2-10 girl in an 8-5 world. Yes, that same 8-5 world I've lived in for the last 17 years.

- Say yes more often to adventure and new experiences. Especially if it involves a way for me to make a gajillion dollars and live on an island with margaritas and pool boys.

- Blog more. Preach less.

- Get more massages. Preferably for free, but so far, I've failed to meet my ideal man - a chiropractor who fixes cars. I figure that's where I spend most of my money, it would be handy to be able to get both of those services for free. I promise to spend that extra money on him :)

- Find a hairstyle that doesn't make my face look fat. I know, fat makes my face look fat. But hair doesn't have to help it.

- Learn how to say no to people who want things from me I don't want to give.

- Live with Purpose, Passion, Presence. And perhaps some other P words...like Peppermint (schnapps), Pickles (sweet, not dill), Pagoda (does anyone know how to build one...I want one in the backyard), Polyurethane.

- Finish landscaping the backyard. And paint the fence. Anyone wanna help? Free beer!

- Swing on swings, slide down slides, and climb on monkey bars.

- Make sure my medical insurance is paid up.

- Eat more fresh vegetables.

- Eat more fresh fruit. Preferably in the bottom of a glass of sangria.

Happy 2010 all!