Everything's Better With Antlers

The following things happened today:

• My lips got sunburned. That hurts.
  
  
• Liz, Jeff, and I stopped at Speedway on the way home from the Michigan game. Liz and I got slurpees. There were no slurpee straws, only regular ones.
  
  
• We discovered sucking slurpees through regular straws sucked. And not in a good way.
  
  
• Jeff stopped at a different Speedway, and I ran in all gangsta' like, yelling, "Im-just-here-to-get-slurpee-straws-because-the-last-Speedway-we-stopped-at-didn't-have-them-and-sucking-slurpees-through-a-regular-straw-bites-the-big-one."
  
  I scared the crap outta the kid working the register.
  
  
• At the aforementioned Speedway, I saw a hearse. An honest-to-god-hearse gassing up. It's license plate said "DeadZon" which led me to believe it was a private car, but when we drove by, the door was open. There was a casket inside.
  
  Leaning against the casket was a bag Tostitos (regular, not Scoops of course).
  
  
  
  
  Seriously, I can't make this shit up.
  
  
• Lizzle and I decided to make ourselves charter members of the Slurpee Straw Mafia. We can use our Slurpee straws to cut people up when they cross our paths. However, much like the Hell's Angels, we can always use our talents for good and, if necessary, do a tracheotomy with our badass Slurpee straws.
  
  
• About 1/2 hour later, whilst wizzing down the freeway at something slightly over the posted speed limit, we saw a car on the side of the road, back hatch up, occupants in the early stages of what looked to be what is medically termed as "serious coitus".
  
  We have no picture, for obvious reasons.
  
  
  I can't make this shit up.
  

• About 1/2 hour after that, we were stuck in a 45-minute traffic backup due to a car accident on the highway. We were minding our own business, contemplating the meaning of life, when we came upon a wicker moose.
  
  
  
  
  Really, people, I'm good, but I can't possibly make this shit up.

• Since we were going, oh, about 2 miles an hour, Jeff remarked to the driver that he liked his moose. Said driver exclaimed, "It looks even better with antlers." Well duh.
  
  I don't know if it was because we had sun stroke, we had been waiting in traffic for 45-minutes, or because we were just too damned tired, but this was the funniest thing we had heard all day.
  
  
  
• After working our way to the Lowell exit, we saw a truck parked on the side of the on ramp. In the bed of the truck, was an upside down table with those curved legs. You know the ones I'm talking about? Well anyway, it looked just like antlers.
  
  I only wish I was clever enough to make this shit up.

Monday edit: Turns out, as we suspected, this moose was going to Art Prize, a giant art gallery/contest in Grand Rapids. However, it's made of nails, not wicker. Hey, it was sunny out. There were glares. Here's more info: http://www.artprize.org/artist/id/2866