More Random, And Occasionally Deep Thoughts

So this morning, on my way to work, I passed a cow farm. I pass this cow farm every day, twice a day. I have passed this cow farm every day, twice a day, for like 5 years. I have seen the cows herded in the far end of the field, scattered, laying down, talking to each other, standing up, and hanging out in the rain.

I have never seen them, how shall we say, copulating.

Which leads one to wonder...when do cows have sex?

Is it in the middle of the night? Mid-morning when I'm eating their brethrens from the animal kingdom, bacon, for breakfast? A little after dinner quickie, perhaps? I just don't know. Do they do it inside? Are they shy? Or will they go at it right there, on the side of the freeway, before gawd and everyone driving by?

Things that make you go hmmmmm.....

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I had another deep thought on the way home, but I can't remember what it was.

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I wish everyone in the world, just once, would spend a day as an overweight person. Then they would understand how weight permeates the psyche. For example, skinny people don't:
-- Have to think about the chairs they sit in
-- Worry that they're going to break massage tables, tattoo tables, or coffee tables
-- Avoid amusement parks because they don't fit in rides
-- Have to think twice about where they go and what they look like when they get there.
-- Have to make excuses for what they eat. Just once, I'd like to enjoy a hot dog in a crowd of strangers. Or not feel guilty eating ice cream in public.
-- Have to make jokes about themselves being fat before someone else does.
-- Have to listen to a cacaphony of people offering useless advice like "eat less" and "exercise." Thanks Einstein.
-- Have to listen to people offer any advice at all. We know we're fat. Just accept us that way, knowing that we're aware and trying to work on it. Useless advice only discourages.
-- Have to endure the last acceptable form of discrimination and -ism.

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Come to think of it, you don't really see a lot of wild animals gettin' it on. Why is that? Where do they do the wild nasty in the wild? Like squirrels for example.

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Admit it. You're totally thinking about bovine sex right now, aren't you?

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I miss K-tel records.

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And Shaun Cassidy. Whatever happened to him?

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I had to fire my shrink. After 6 sessions, the first of which I told him what my problem with food was, his only advice was "bring healthy snacks to work." Thanks Einstein.

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I want to learn how to fly. Sounds freeing.

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Sometimes, when it's quiet and I have time to think and put myself on a plane of awareness of myself and all my senses, I realize that bras are really uncomfortable.

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Between work, home, and many of my extracurricular activities, I've started to think that I'm the only one who can hear myself talking. Why doesn't anyone respect or value my knowledge and experience? This is where self-doubt is born.

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Jeanne Robertson is funny. I'm going to investigate how to become a traveling humorist. First, I'm going to investigate how to be 6foot2 with a southern drawl. I think that makes her funnier. YouTube her.

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On my way home from work, slightly past the apparently celibate cows, there is a digital billboard. I never hit it at the right time to figure out what's going on on 10-31-09. I can see that big enough date from a long ways away, but not what the event is. Now I'm gonna feel left out on that day, like everyone else knows something I don't.

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Is it "long ways away" or "long way away"?

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I'm not sure why, but people who put a t sound at the end of the word across bug me.

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I'll get over it though. I spent a fair amount of my life saying the word "irregardless" so I don't have room to talk.

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Everyone wants to get all up in everyone's business lately. What's up with that? Why can't people just accept people for who they are. We're all unique people. Embrace that.

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"Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom. Let it be."


P.S. Don't Google "cow sex" when your kids are in the room. Not unless you want some awkward 'splainin to do.