Today, like every one of the 110 days since you left, my heart is broken in a thousand little pieces.
True, the world continues to spin, cars drive on the streets, people bustle about, life has gone on.
But it's not the same.
Not nearly the same.
Not anything close to the same.
Everybody said you wouldn't live forever, but I was pretty sure that if anyone could, it would have been you. You, my amazing, loving, wonderous, Energizer Bunny.
You, who taught me great life lessons so subtly I nary knew I was learning anything.
From you, I learned humility. That it doesn't matter how many fancy-pants degrees you have, you can still get your behind beat in Scrabble by your grandmother.
I learned that mice can't be chased out of a kitchen simply by screaming at them whilst perched on top of your kitchen table.
From you, I learned that, yes, actually, you can make a Yahtzee game quieter so your grandpa can watch Archie Bunker in peace. I learned how to shell peas, wash dishes, appreciate the evening news, that Lincoln Logs are loud, that you shouldn't pick up a party line when it's not your ring, that walks in the woods were fun, that no one is hopeless at potty training, and that you should always make sure you're wearing a bra before lifting your shirt up in public.
From you, I learned that the best grandmas are there for every dance recital, every grandparents day, every graduation, every Christmas, and every time a pasty needs to be eaten.
From you, I learned that the best legacy anyone can leave is a life of good memories, good lessons, and good love.
From you, I learned how to accept people for what they are, because that's exactly what you did.
From you, I learned to never give up. Ever.
But what I'll miss most are the lessons on unconditional love, given by example. There wasn't one thing any one of us could do that would make you love us less. You didn't care what I did or didn't do, where I worked or didn't work, you loved me for me and let me be me. The impact of that on my life to this day can't be overstated.
I know I'm not the only one who carries these pieces of you in their equally broken hearts. I can look out and see that you've left a tiny little bit of yourself in all of us.
In Mike, I see the same determination and perseverance that got you through the hard times in your life. You took an unconventional path through your life. You didn't complain about your hardships, but chose instead to say, "It is what it is" and move on. He's kinda like that, that oldest grandson of yours.
Anna Maria Albergetti (I know she hated that...she'll get over me using it here :) definitely shares your love of education. Much like you, she never stops learning, and sharing what she learns with others.
Mary? She carries your gentle soul. That same way of making people feel valued, cared for, and listened to.
And you and Bob share that same twinkle in your eyes that always meant mischief was around the corner.
One only has to talk to John for about 10 seconds to see he inherited your punny sense of humor. You always made me laugh. I miss laughing.
I thought long and hard about what you passed on to my baby brother Joseph. He's a hard read, that kid. But then I remembered his job, and how important building relationships with people is to him there. You were good at that...there wasn't anyone who met you who wasn't impacted by you in some way.
My sister? Easy peasy. She definitely matches your love of puzzles, of mysteries, of games. And like you, she's so good at it she doesn't even needs words to put her puzzles together.
Ian Patrick....I like to think that you two share a zest for travel. For seeing the world, and living other cultures.
Me? Well, I have been known to love a dessert or two in my time. And while I don't know exactly what we share, I do know that if I work the rest of my life to be the best person I can be, I'll still only be half of what you were.
They say time heals all wounds. I say they're wrong. It's been 110 days and I don't feel any better. I cry at the mention of your name, when I pass the cemetery on 131, when I go somewhere we went together, when I think about you, when I realize that never is a very, very, very, long damned time, and when kleenex falls out of my sleeve.
I pretend my tears are little thank you's, for all of the time we spent together, the things we did, the places we went, and the love we shared. I figure I have 1600 more 110-day spells before I've thanked you enough, but I'll have to ask Ann if my math is right.
You were not only my grammy, you were my bestest friend.
I love you forever, and then one more day after that.
Happy Birthday.
How beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDelete